My Shortest Post

Tonight, Fiona spiked a fever and had a very brief seizure. She was standing at the coffee table, coloring, and I watched her “lights go off” but her eyes remain open, and she tipped over like an axed tree. Her head was the first thing to hit the floor. She jittered a few seconds on the ground and then “came to,” as they say. I was holding Petra, whom I put down, and I shouted “Fiona!” as I always do when she’s seizing, like I can shout her out of it, which I can’t, and by the time I got to Fiona, she was sobbing. Wet-mouthed and inconsolable. These atonic seizures freak her out, make her cry. I held her on the couch and she cried and pushed me away, and I kissed her head and said it was okay and that she was okay, and she settled a little. And then I realized: at my knees the entire time was Petra, my one-year-old, standing with a furrowed brow, looking intently at her sister, and finally Petra asked what I ask her whenever she cries: “What’s wrong?” Oh Petra, dear. I suspect that’s not the first time you’ll ask that question. I only pray I have the right words when you can understand them. keep calm

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2 thoughts on “My Shortest Post

  1. Savanna’s unaffected twin often wonders “what is wrong with her?” Savanna’s oldest brother (age 6) kind-of “gets it”. Savanna’s siblings will one day learn about the science of “what is different” with Savanna. I feel Petra will be Fiona’s best friend, best role model, (best model in general), in this world as time goes on.

    Tough times mommy. I am sorry.

  2. You will know what to say to Petra, it will come in bits and pieces as she is more and more aware of what is occuring with Fi, in many ways. It will be a process that started the day she was born and her questions will be answered by a lovely woman who uses words so well and expresses things in ways that are full of love and comfort. You my dear daughter are surrounded with love and pryares. I know, only to a small extent, from my experiences and because of the love I have for you all but not everyday contact with what you experience, what you must feel in these situations.

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